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"A Child Born to Another Woman"

“A child born to another woman calls me mommy, the MAGNITUDE of that tragedy & DEPTH of that privilege are not lost on me” - Jody Landers

I once read a comparison in a blog post written by similar foster/adopt mama that adoption is like your wedding day. It is a great way to describe that special day that you become forever family! My love for my husband didn’t change on our wedding day and our love for our children didn’t change on their ”Gotcha” Days, but things were different. There was no question about our future, our names were the same. We were officially a family.

We are often asked why we chose to foster in hopes to adopt. The answer is easy: we really wanted to be parents. After years and thousands of dollars spent on failed fertility treatments, we knew we couldn't take on the expenses associated with private adoption. We had friends that were foster parents and on evening they hosted a question/answer session at their home with their licensing case worker. following that night, my husband and I had several discussions as to what fostering might look like for us and if we (I) could emotionally handle it.

After several months of classes, we obtained our licensed and got out first call. We were to pick up a sweet 1 week old baby girl from the hospital. She was with us for 4 months before she went to live with a bio aunt. We knew this was a possibility, but I am not going to say that my heart wasn’t absolutely broken. She had made me a mommy in those short 4 months. I remember her caseworker discouraging us from having contact with bio family, but I couldn't help it, I tucked a letter to the aunt in the diaper bag. I would have wanted to know what happened in the first four months of my niece’s life if in the same situation. Little did I know that that very letter would develop into a lasting relationship with her aunt. Or that because of that relationship, Josie would come back to us 9 months later and became forever ours in December 2018.

During the time of Josie's absence, we had two more newborn foster placements. The first was a sweet little boy who spent 33 days in the NICU before we got to bring him home. Two months later, we brought home a second baby girl who only stayed three weeks with us before being reunited with her mama. We still receive the occasional update and picture of her and love knowing that they are doing well and we were a part of their story.

The baby boy continued to stay with us for more than two years with no visits from either of his bio parents and only monthly visits from his bio great grandparents. And after many ups and downs, plus several changes in case workers, we adopted Ryan just two days after his second birthday in May 2020. We still have a great relationship with his great grandparents and consider them extended family.

Our journey to parenthood wasn’t easy but I can honestly say I wouldn’t change who God chose to make my babies. I know there will be questions and probably some hurt as they get older. My husband and I don't not have all the answers, but our plan is to always be truthful and supportive with both of our children. 

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